Coming in Fast....

2009 is almost here. My deadline for getting my first site going live is almost here. And we're still in the grip of life upset from my son's disappearance. We hope and pray that he finds out his grandparents are here this weekend, and that he wishes to see his new niece, who will be born this week, maybe tonight yet. Once you know that your kid is a runaway and not a victim of violence, there is a reassurance from it. But the worst stress comes from the waiting to see if he is caught or if he'll return to you.

Hubby has a lot of days off this year for the holidays - an rare event. Yet, without our son, we don't feel free to travel to see family. Kind of sad. For the first time in years, my hubby's siblings will be home together this Christmas. I know it's killing him to not go...but to go without our son will kill him also.

I'm learning a lot about motivation and how to grow it in the face of this ongoing stress. The situation both helps and hinders it. We're more desperate to make sure that the freelancing increases so that we have the choice of staying here awhile, in case he does want to come home. With the economy, counting on the company my hubby works for to not go through layoffs is risky and we need the freelancing to pick that up. And the stress hinders the motivation, the ability to focus, and my energy.

There are things that have helped.

Food - eating better, switching to vitamins specifically formulated for energy, getting plenty of water in, orange juice, and in between all that good, allowing one to have a bit of chocolate once in awhile. We love Mexican hot chocolate. LOL

Church - going to church helps, although it's a place where you risk getting caught up in the emotions of the situation also. Christians are an emotional bunch. *grin* Keeping in touch with one's faith and spiritualism helps maintain a balanced mind, and fosters positive thinking and hope.

Friends - many friends have come to our aid. Many who we didn't really have strong connections with before, we do now. The support of friends helps a lot.

Family - This may sound weird to most but here it goes... Being located out of reach of family has helped us find focus a lot. Normally being with your family helps in these situations. In our case, we benefit from being away. We've maintained contacts by phone and email, but that's all. It's helped because we've been able to skip all the family discussions about the situation. Families have a way of getting together and analyzing the how's, why's, and what if's of the situation.

Opposite Personalities - For my hubby and I, the fact that we're so different has helped create a balance in our household. I'm a person who doesn't show emotion, doesn't go too deep with the feeling, and stays fairly calm and stoic - promoting balance and calmness around me. Hubby has taken this hard on the emotional level. He allows me to be emotional about it when I need to - and I help him regain composure and optimism about the situation. Even though we both are lost at times, this has helped.

Writing - for me, writing is my release. I've taken up writing a book length project about being the parent of a runaway. Not sure if this will become public or just another personal journal for me. It's good therapy all the same. I just have to make sure I'm writing in it when I can devote the full amount of time to each session. Usually all the bad feelings come out at the beginning of it, and I write until I'm able to end the section on hope and optimism. Almost was stuck in an area of despair with one session and managed to finish it anyway on hope. I could tell that it would have defeated the purpose of the therapy to stop at the bad thoughts.